When you just don't give a $h!t

I've been trying to lose weight for years...and I mean years! Since before my son was born 13+ years ago! I was bigger than most kids in grade school and I just continued to gain weight in middle & high school! I was still under 200 lbs in high school so I thought I was ok but it's amazing how those pounds can seem to creep up on you. How did I not stop this sooner and why can't I focus on losing the weight?

I know what I need to do...I've done it before...I've just lost my willpower. I'm to the point where I really don't care what I look like because I don't care what anyone thinks of me. That is a really sad place to be. Being confident in yourself is one thing, not giving a shit is another thing entirely! I need to find a happy balance.

I've almost always started my weigh in/diet weeks on Saturdays so I have the weekdays to "fix" any lapses I made over the weekend. Tomorrow, I will start again. Going to give myself today to get a plan in place and get any food fixes out of my system. I'm not going to gorge myself but I just need a day to be a little free before I hit it hard again!

I don't even want to know what the scale says tomorrow but this has got to be done. I want to get back under 200 lbs at the very least! I've done it before, I should be able to do it again!

Below is a pic of my lowest, around 180, in October 2008. The sad thing is that I still didn't feel like I was thinner after losing 80 pounds. I was still only able to get into a size 16/18 and I was so mad that I still had to shop in the plus size department. In the midst of that, I had just started a new job that had a much higher stress level and my health was no longer as high a priority! I've got to make it important from now on.

Here's a pic from December 2008. When I saw this one, I realized that I was actually thinner...too bad I didn't realize it at the time. Note the pumpkins and Christmas cards all displayed at the same time. :)