Life (kinda) sucks right now...

I'll admit that there are times, lately, when I see my facebook friends post about how great things are going and I get jealous. Wondering when this hellish chapter post-CMC is going to get better. Oh, it's not horrible. We aren't homeless, we can pay the bills (sort of)...it's just not what I'd hoped it would be and doesn't seem to be getting any better.

I had hoped that, at 37 years of age, I was beyond having to work 2 jobs just to make ends meet and still being broke within 2 days of pay day. I know what's causing it but the only way to resolve that issue is to get rid of Josh. I just can't afford him. Heck, I never really could and that is why I'm in this position.

Of course, losing 50% of my income when I was laid off didn't help at all but I was so sure I was going to be able to find a better job with more money by now. It's humbling to find that you really aren't what people are looking for, even with experience and endorsement from people that are high up in their company.

I'm back in the dredges and don't really like it. Actually, I wouldn't mind my job if the percentage of the company that sucks at theirs wasn't so high. It's like it's acceptable to be mediocre and there is nobody to address and correct problems when they happen.

"You didn't bother to look at the forecast for the next 2 months and now we've been late on every order for the last year because you don't know how to appropriately hire people to cover the demand? That's ok, no need to discipline you...you're human. We'll just let you keep on making this mistake so we can never dig out of this hole. Never mind all the customers and business that we are losing. It's not a big deal."

Seriously, that is the mentality. At least that's how it appears to those of us that are directly impacted by the late orders and horrible service.

Frustrated

I can't help but wonder why the genes of my ex husband became the dominant genes that are exhibited by my 15 year old son. He hasn't been around him for 10 years yet he acts more like him each day. He's completely lazy and blames others for everything that goes wrong. He's extremely short tempered and flat out refuses anything that could make life better or is suggested by others.

Wait, that's not my ex...that's just my kid being a douche bag! Sounds bad to call him that but there are times when that is the only word that I can think of that adequately describes how big of a jerk he is.

Not sure this is the right thing...

I've completed day 2 of the paper delivery gig and I'm just not sure. While it seems fine now, I'm not sure how long I'm going to be able to keep up with a 1:30am daily wake up when I still have to work til 5pm and then make time for Josh too. He's been good about it so far but I'm already feeling really worn down. Maybe I'll get used to it after a few more days. Tomorrow will be the first day I have to do both jobs on the same day so that may be the ultimate test.

Right now, I've got the current guy with me to tell me where houses are so I don't miss anything but it's really hard to keep track of which houses get papers when you are focusing all your attention on trying to find the #'s that are nearly invisible on the buildings. Not to mention that the current carrier doesn't follow the schedule that was created by C&P so we're not going the route that I would normally take...until I get used to it.

Really would like to just be able to go on my own so I can figure it out in my own head....oh, and get paid for it, since I don't get paid til I take over the route on my own.

What really concerns me is the wear on my car and the amount of gas that I'm going to use up. Just during the trip this morning I used about 1/4 tank of gas so if I have to do this every day, it may not even pay to do a route for only $600+ a month. I guess we'll see and if it puts me in the hole I'm going to have to either get a smaller car or quit.

I'm conflicted because I don't think I'll be able to find anything else that works around my current work schedule like this. Just not sure what is right and I'm tired of making decisions that turn out to be wrong in the long run.

Making ends meet

For various reasons, in & out of my control, I'm super overextended with my finances. Tomorrow at 2am I'm going to start training for a 2nd job delivering papers. It's not a ton more money but the routes that pay more go to the tenured folks so I've got to start somewhere.

In addition, it's about the only thing that works around my full time job and doesn't take me away from my son during his evening hours. Hopefully, I can do this in the early morning before he's awake and still have evenings free to spend with him.

Problem could be sleep. If I don't go to bed til 9 or 10 like usual and have to pick up papers at 2am I'm getting very little sleep. Hope I can do it!

Still want to be able to hit the gym in the mornings so I hope I can get fast at the route in a short matter of time and get it all done quickly.

Perspective

I'm saddened by the decline is morals & work ethic these days. People don't seem to care about a job well done & give the impression of being overworked...when they clearly aren't.

I don't know where some of these people worked before but 40 emails a day is not considered excessive or unmanageable. Others get way more than that and don't waste time complaining about it.

I don't care if you want to complain about your job but just do it quietly because I don't want to hear it. :-)