I just want a chance

After a recent disappointment I've been rethinking my plan for the rest of my life. What the hell do I want to do until I die? I don't know the answer to that question and that's a problem.

I've never had a clear career goal in mind but I've learned over the years that I'm happiest at work when I can investigate and fix things. So, where does that put me? Unfortunately, the positions that would allow me to do that at my current company (apparently) require a degree. I can't even get a courtesy interview even though I feel I could do what is listed in the job description if given the chance.

It's so frustrating to work for a company that doesn't seem to be willing to take a chance on you when your last employer almost always did. It's hard to feel pride in your job when you never get any recognition for anything that you do and you're overlooked for special projects in favor of 2 or 3 of the boss's favorites. I was able to ignore these practices until they decided to promote some folks internally and I know who their top 2 are, and I don't feel they are qualified to hold a supervisory position.

I'm also very upset with myself for not realizing that I needed to be that "fake" character during my interview to advance to the next level. It's sad to say that but I really feel like the first round of interviews was nothing more than a personality contest...which I'm never good at. I've never been good at bragging on myself but you have to be able to do that, without going overboard, in an interview. I think I've only ever been through 3 or 4 job interviews in my life and I've never gotten very good at it.

It's time I step up my game and get more involved so they know what I'm capable of. Instead of holding back my ideas and suggestions because I'm not really in a position to implement them, I'm going to start telling them how I feel things could be done differently to make things better, more efficient, easier. Showing them that I have the experience & ideas to make things happen.

I have to make them realize that they made a mistake when they didn't choose me for the position because I. CAN. DO. IT! In the meantime, I'll be looking internally & externally for other opportunities that will allow me to utilize my experience & skills...and make more money, of course. 😀

At some point, I may need to look into an online degree program to get some sort of diploma on my resume...since that appears to be one hurdle that some employers just can't get over. Actually had a recruiter tell me that I had the experience but since I didn't have any "education" I wasn't really in the running...and they never called me again.

It's so frustrating that experience seems to be a curse these days. They want new graduates with no experience so they can pay them less and mold them into whatever they want. I'm willing to learn new things but I can also offer feedback from my experiences and history that could be beneficial to the company. Just give me a chance.

I'm in the middle of having too much experience and not enough education so most places won't touch me with a 10 foot pole. I'm going to have to step up my game and get my life/career back on track.

Dealing with disappointment

I know that children will eventually do things that disappoint their parents. What I didn't expect was a time when EVERY single action would throw me into an anxiety attack. I pray that someone can tell me a short bout of aggressiveness is normal for all teen boys & that it'll end quickly. Unfortunately, I doubt anyone will be able to give me any assurance that we'll both make it through this unscathed.

The timing couldn't have been much worse. 1 month into my new job & Josh has already been suspended from school twice, for a total of 9 days. Today was his first day back & I get a call that he's no longer allowed to ride the bus because of his behavior. How am I supposed to leave in the middle of the afternoon to pick him up?

Tomorrow I'm taking him to Crosspointe for counseling. I hope with all my being that we are able to find something that gets through to him. He doesn't even understand how many other people are impacted by his obnoxious behavior.

I'm at my wits end with him. I feel bad because I frequently feel like I wouldn't be upset if he were to move away & live with his dad or if he were to go away to boarding school. I don't like feeling that way but more and more often I wonder what would have happened if I'd never gone to Colorado, never gotten married, never had a child. How horrible that I have those thoughts...but I just can't help it!

I hope counseling will help us both.