Does that make me a bad mother?
Tonight was probably the worst "episode" Josh has ever had...all because I refused to let someone spend the night. I was 1 more thrown item away from calling 911.
He's never hit me but I felt like it was close tonight. He was in my face screaming & cursing, followed by punching walls & throwing things.
It took a long time for him to calm down and I wasn't sure he would even come down off this trip. I was so over it that I actually emailed his probation officer & told him I needed help & couldn't take any more.
All that got me was a message that he had retired and I should contact another court officer. No phone # or email address, just a name and a hope that I could get in touch with them if needed.
At that moment, it was as if the world was saying "Fuck You, you're on your own"! That's how I feel because there is nothing anyone can do to help me unless he actually hits me first. Sure, I could call 911, they might come talk to him but they won't remove him from the house if they don't have to. And you know having the cops show up would make him even more angry.
What's really sad is that it's been going on for so long that I can't even react to the thought of him being removed from my house. I don't even care because I'm done and I wish he would go away. It's horrible for me to have those thoughts but I can't help it. I can't deal with any more of his outbursts.
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