What the funk!?

Ever since I was laid off the beginning of the year I've been slowing spiraling out of control. I started out optimistic but that has dwindled to despair this week. It started out well with me being positive that I would be able to find a job in a short period of time. Well, that didn't happen.

The longer I was unemployed, the worse things got. I started to feel useless and desperate for something to do that would make life worthwhile again. On top of that, Josh began to rebel and has been a holy terror for the last couple months.

Yesterday, everything culminated into a day of nearly constant tears and terrifying thoughts. I can't imagine I would ever act on some of the thoughts that were in my head but they scared me anyway. I just need some time away but that will never happen. Being a single mom sucks.

I've tried so hard to be a good example for Josh and show him how to behave but there are many times when he exhibits every trait that I detest in people. I don't understand why he does some of the things he does. It is so frustrating to deal with and I'm so tired of it. I just don't know what to do anymore.