Saturday, June 9, 2018

I didn't get the job

So, I've been a supervisor at my current employer for a year and a half. I've had similar supervisory experience at my previous job. When a manager position came open, I applied for it.

To be honest, I like what I do now and didn't really want the job but I need more money so I didn't do much to prepare for the interview and didn't expect much, especially when I found out they were doing external interviews.

Yesterday, I found out that they'd chosen one of those external candidates. Someone with way more experience and a PhD. I mean, how can I compete with that?

I had no real emotion when they delivered the news. Other than the loss of a higher salary, I didn't really care. It's rather exciting to have someone new that has leadership and development experience that can help our team get even better. Skills that none of us currently have and need to improve on.

Some of the other applicants were not as accepting of this news. They were disappointed that they didn't choose to promote from within. I will say it was a bummer not to get the job but I understand how things work when you start to get higher up the food chain and it's not always in the best interest of the team to promote someone just because they are a current employee.

Do I think I could do the job? Yes.

Do I think I was the most qualified? Probably not.

Can you blame them for taking a chance on someone that could come in and make our team better. No way? It might not work out. This person might end up moving on after a short time. Maybe then I'll be ready. Maybe then I won't want the job.

We shall see what happens. I'm not going to waste time griping about something I can't change. I'm going to focus on improving myself so, if another position becomes available, I will be ready.

Monday, January 1, 2018

The will to live

He's never been diagnosed but I could swear my 19 year old is bipolar. He has a lot of trouble dealing with his feelings & there are times when he will lose his mind, get violent, scream & some times forget everything that happened during an "episode". Today was one of those times.

He's insecure about his fiance and is sure she's going to leave him. She has older parents and needy family members that she often stays with to help. He feels they use her and she should tell them no.

She left for the afternoon and called an hour later to say she couldn't come back for a while because she had to stay and help with her mom and niece. He lost his mind. Screaming, breaking things, crying. He sent her a nasty text and then put a kitchen knife to his neck, threatening to kill himself. He told me that nobody cares about him, not even me. Then he took a pocket knife and told me to kill him or he would.

It's hard for me to convince him that he needs to live when he puts me through this. He has no purpose in life, which is his own fault because he won't try to do anything, including get a job. He feels worthless because right now, he is. I can't get him to understand that if he could get a job and make something of himself, as well as some more friends, he might feel better.

It's hard to convince him to live when I had similar thoughts, of ending things, within the last few weeks. I've lost my will to fight him to make something of himself and I, almost, don't even care what happens anymore. If that makes me a bad mom, so be it. A person can only take so much before they hit their breaking point and stop giving a shit about everything.