Is god just a reason to be ok with death?

Just bear with me...this might be a little different than what you're used to seeing me blog about. Your feedback is appreciated at the end. Thanks

I've struggled with faith for a long time. I was christened as a Lutheran and went through confirmation classes but quit before "graduation". I was out of church for a few years, then got back in by joining the choir in high school. Made some great friends during those years and did lots of things I'm sure our youth sponsors would be horrified to know about, if they don't already. In my 20's I was out of the church and did the usual 20's things; partying, staying out late, got pregnant, then married...you know, normal stuff. :)  Around 30 I was part of a Christian band and we did worship at several churches in our area. I'm 35 now and the mental struggle is worse than ever before.

Over the last several years I've been struggling to decide what I believe in. I loved the idea of going to a church where I could form close friendships and bond with other people that had the same beliefs. Problem is, I don't know what my beliefs are anymore. I am very pessimistic and find it hard to believe in intangible things.

Some of the stories in the bible are so far fetched that it's almost impossible to believe. There are so many churches that don't even preach what is in the bible and others that say you will all go to heaven no matter how bad you are if you repent. If that is true, then why even bother living a noble life? Just repent before the end and you still get into heaven, right? Seems like a lot of people are living by this example, doesn't it?

What am I supposed to believe? Heaven, Hell, Nothing? I begin to wonder if I only "believe" in God because knowing that I'll go to a "better place" when I die is better than believing that there is nothing after death. I must admit that when I cannot convince myself that God is real I'm terrified of what might happen when I die.

On the flip side, what if God is real, heaven & hell exist, and I've made a huge mistake? Thinking about being condemned to hell for eternity is even more horrific than thinking there is nothing after death. And what is heaven is real and I get there only to find out that the people I've left behind aren't going to get in? More importantly, what if I get there and all the annoying people I hated in life were let in because they repented at the very end? Seriously? :)

Right now, I'm looking for all opinions on the subject of religion. I'm very interested in all points of view...what you believe and why. Just keep it friendly. No attacking other people for their opinions, please.

Thanks in advance for your help in my quest for the truth.