Getting Comfortable...To A Point

Do you ever think about events in your life that have changed you? When I think back on my life before I turned 20 I remember being an outgoing young lady that wasn't afraid to meet and talk to new people. I was heavier than I wanted to be but didn't let that get in the way of anything I wanted to do. 

When I got married, something happened that severely changed the person I was.  I don't know what it was exactly, just something that made me different than I had been. I was more reserved, less outgoing and more afraid of what other people thought of me than what I tought of myself.

The end of 2007 I began to worry more about how I felt about myself.  Not so much what other people felt, but how I felt...inside and out.  I began a fight to lose the extra weight that I had been carrying around for as long as I could remember...even though that number was alot larger than it ever had been.

After about a year, I had lost 88 pounds and gained back some of the outgoing woman that I had been before I got married.  I was comfortable with myself and who I was and didn't care about what other people thought when they saw me.  I had finally become the beautiful, independent woman I had always pretended I was.

That's when the trouble started...

Being confident in yourself is a great thing. 
Being unconcerned about how other people see you can be devastating. 

I no longer worried about what other people thought of me and my weight so I didn't care if I was fat or thin.  All I knew was I was my own person and people were not going to treat me any differently because I was overweight. Because of this, I stopped working out and paying attention to what I ate.  After 2 years, I'd gained back 98 lbs...my highest weight EVER!

My epiphany came when I found out I was being laid off after 12 years and would need to go out and find a job.  People aren't as accepting of overweight people, no matter how qualified they are and if I were running against a person with the same qualifications that was thinner, I would lose. At least that's how I see it.

I don't blame employers. If I was the hiring manager I would feel the same way.  I'm overweight yet I'm prejudiced against other overweight people.  So weird, isn't it? Maybe it's because I've lost the weight before and I think I can do it again.   I don't know their story, who am I to judge them?

The beginning of 2011 I decided that I'm going to lose this weight, get to a healthy weight and maintain it. 

There are many reasons...some personal, some vain, others financial!
- Smaller clothes are less expensive
- People look better at a healthy weight
- It'll be easier to get a job if my weight is down and my self confidence is up
- I'll be able to live longer and see my son grow older
- My arthritis will be better if there isn't so much weight bearing down on my joints
- I want to look more attractive...don't we all?

So, I'm on this journey again.  I know it will never end because I've never had a healthy relationship with food.  I eat what I crave and not just to fuel my body to survive.  Unfortunately, I'm not one of the lucky people that can eat what they want, never exercise and stay thin. 

Off I go on my quest for health, smaller clothes and a beuatiful me (inside and out).

Thanks for visiting!

Katy